How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk - John VanEpp, PhD
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and, after a hurtful ending, you
found yourself looking back and uttering words something like "how did I not see that
coming?" or "that was a really bad idea!" or even, "why can't I ever pick anybody good?" If you answered affirmatively to any of these questions, then I think I have just the book for you.
John VanEpp's cleverly titled book "How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk" cuts right
to the dating chase. Based on years of research and full of real-life examples of
relationships-gone-bad, "Jerk" has something for everyone - whether you are in the
dating scene yourself, are raising children who will be, or have friends who are.
His subtitle is the clue to his secret weapon: "The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart
Without Losing Your Mind." VanEpp makes a strong argument for why a balance
between head and heart is essential in today's world of dating. No longer are marriages
arranged by parents using only a "head" approach to logical companionship. Likewise,
it's clear that the "love is all you need" approach isn't informed enough to guide lovers
into relationships that are consistently capable of standing the test of time.
So what does a head/heart combination approach to relationships look like? How do
you know what to look for when trying to determine if a relationship is headed in the
right direction and growing in a healthy way? Glad you asked. . .
VanEpp is systematic in laying out the fundamentals of healthy relationships and the
elements that contribute to love and bonding. By encouraging readers to look at what
he calls the five fundamental dynamics of relationships (the depth to which you know,
trust, rely on, have a commitment to, and have sexual involvement with another
person), he provides a roadmap for navigating any relationship with confidence.
Knowing what to look for, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can help
identify potential problem areas. The idea is to find these red flags early enough to
either do something to fix them, or back out before things progress too far and you are left with a lot of pain.
Want to know how to balance your head and your heart to build a healthy relationship?
Start by checking out VanEpp's "How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk," and help
yourself or someone you love get on the road to relationship success.
Summary by: Michelle Zomer, LMSW